Water washes our footprints from the sand
but who we BELIEVE ourselves to be
water never can.
life transformation coaching
Transform Your Life
Let’s imagine for a moment that your mother fell off a horse as a child and she never got back on. During your lifetime, she never took you horseback riding because she was no longer comfortable around horses. Horses weren’t in your periphery, or so you thought, and you weren’t passionate to meet any, so it wasn’t a difficulty for you.
In this imagined example, you are in your mid-30’s when you fall madly and passionately in love with a man that owns a ranch and raises horses from a passionate heart. He is everything you hoped to have in love, but every time you visit him at the ranch, you feel uncomfortable. You have 30-something years of feeling your mother’s anxiety in your nervous system whenever images or words relating to horses arose. Despite a yearning to be with your love in all ways possible, there are parts of the ranch that you don’t visit because your anxiety heightens there. Your world becomes separated from much of his world and what he loves.
The world in which you feel comfortable is seemingly smaller.
Not understanding this anxiety because you have never been around or ridden horses, you assume it’s something about him and you begin to nitpick fights with him.
When you do this, you remind him of his critical mother, and he shuts down and pulls away just as he did from his mother as teenager. His responses are immature for this reason and you begin to ask yourself, “How could I have been so wrong about him?”
Your dreams of love begin to slip away.
The anxiety that you feel about all things ‘horse’ is an inheritance.
are and how you exist in the world.
In this example, unearthing the anxiety caused by horses and verbally sharing that with you won’t likely change anything. Your anxiety will not likely be remedied by words alone. Anxiety is an experience of the body that is being communicated to you, “I don’t feel safe. I am uncomfortable.” To remedy that communication, the body needs an experience of feeling safe and comfortable.
In this example, you will need help you to experience the act of engaging with horses in a positive way, first from a distance, then nearer and nearer. As each step progresses, your nervous system begins to feel more comfortable with horses and your anxiety becomes less. The fighting subsides and horses becomes a point of connection and shared experiences. Your enthusiasm for horses becomes greater and you begin to manifest the relationship with horses you never knew you wanted — but one that connects you passionately to the man that you love.